Hart Bochner

OK its time I tell this story here since it is the one and only story that I have to tell about any Hollywood stars I've met in person. Its also my favorite story to tell. Back in the early 80's I had the opportunity to see the Hollywood All Star baseball team play in my home town. I've never been a baseball fan but the idea of seeing some Stars up close was certainly a plus. This wasn't the type of thing that happened often being so far from Hollywood and most likely the last chance I'd have to be this close to any stars in my lifetime.
Karen and I went to the game with cameras in hand and autograph books in tow. We arrived early and saw the team of which at first glance I only recognized a few of the team members. Robert Hegyes , who play Juan Epstien on Welcome Back Kotter and one of the supporting role cops on CHiPs. Just before the game was about to begin Karen pointed out that Hart Bochner was on the team. I didn't recognize the name until she reminded me that he was the actor that had played Doc on Terror Train, a movie Karen and I had seen together. Doc was an interesting character and met his early demise in the film. He was such a hottie. Mark Harmon http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001319/ was also there.
Hart was nice enough to pose for some pics for us just before the game began. Karen watched the game while I intently watch Hart. After the game Hart and Mark had lines forming for autographs. Karen was a huge Mark Harmon fan so I accompanied her to get his autograph which we both received along with a very salty kiss. We moved to Hart's line and with each passing moment as we got closer to Hart I became more and more nervous. He was so beautiful. Just ahead of me in line was a young blonde who couldn't have been more than a year or 2 older than my 15 years. When she reached Hart she handed him a motel room key and asked him to join her later. I just knew he would accept, to my surprise he smiled at her and said, "Thank you but my girl back home wouldn't like that." I'm sure she was devastated but I was elated. By the time I reached Hart the butterflies were doing double time and my heart was racing. I handed Hart my autograph book which he signed and I bent down to kiss him on the cheek. I quickly turned to leave covering my lips with the thought of never washing my lips again, when I heard Hart say I was going to kiss you on the lips. Well needless to say I never turned and moved so quickly in all my life. I snagged that kissed and was on cloud nine for days. Truthfully I'm on cloud nine every time I retell this story.
After the signings the stars retreated to the other side of the fence to eat a meal. Karen and I were about to call for a ride home when Hart called me over to the fence, by name mind you, to chat. He was so friendly and talkative. I don't know why I didn't ask him for an address or something but I guess I never thought he would write to me much less remember me after that day. He did however leave me with a wonderful impression of a kind man. He was a star and he certainly didn't have to be so kind to me a complete stranger. I have gone through these last 25 years with a memory that has never dimmed.
So much so that I recently tried to contact him. I was able via some work to get a letter to him about my memories of that wonderful day. I did get a response that I'm sure again is just a testament of the kind man he is, he said he remember that day well and was surprised to hear from me. I know it is impossible that he remembers but how nice was that? Perhaps the letter was not even from the man himself but I will have to for my sake believe that it is.

a letter to my son

Shaun,

Today in spite of my wanting you to remain a boy you are officially a man. Legal age. I’m still in shock that 21 years have flown by so quickly for me. I know it doesn’t feel that way to you. I remember how long it seemed to get to 16 then 18, 21 got lost along the way cause by then I had you a 2 year old baby. I didn’t know what I was doing most of the time but all in all I guess I didn’t do so bad, after all you turned out to be a wonderful young man.

I know we have had our moments like when you were about 13 and slammed your bedroom door in my face and then returned home to find your door off the hinges. Yeah-classic Roseanne stuff. Despite times like that I have always been proud of the boy you were and the man you have become. The moments fleeting, as they are when you do something nice for Jackie fills my eyes with tears. I know you love her and yeah I know she can be a pain just as you could be. When you spend time with Brandon you light up his life like no one else can. This is also true of Nickie who loves you so much.

I’m proud of the hard worker you are and of the fact you intend to go back to school so you won’t have to do the same hard work your Dad has had to do his whole life. I know you will make it through school fine once you get back to it. I’m also proud of the choice you made in Alexis. I know you probably don’t think so and yes I admit I didn’t think so at first but I do now. Its just no one will ever be good enough for my number one son or so I thought. I hope things work out for you two the way you have hoped and dreamed.

Its been an honor to be your Mom and with tears in my eyes I write these words to you because I want you to always remember that you are always my baby boy and that I love you with all my heart. Don’t forget your old Mom, OK? Never forget that you can come to me with anything. I may not always have the answers or the answer you want or the money to fix the problem but I always have the love in my heart, even when you don’t think it is true. Tell me who is it you call when you need someone to fight for you? Its me, you know it. I will always be there. Happy Birthday!

I love you Shaun,

Mom

Sad news in London

I woke this morning to the terrible news of the attacks in London. I am praying for all those affected by this horrible tragedy. It has dredged up the fears of another attack here. I am concentrating now on sending good mojo and prayers to all of the people their not only the injured but also those helping with the rescue efforts. God be with them all.

Perverts and images on the internet

I was surfing the internet for new and interesting blogs when I came across http://www.verymom.com/archives/2005/07/03/448 with a posting about online images that are being stolen and used for God only knows what purpose. I know that there are freaks and perverts and the like all over the internet and this isn't the first time I've heard something like this told. I have been naive enough to hope that I would never have to worry about it myself. However, after reading this and other postings like it I feel it is necessary to protect not just the images but the reputations of those in the images. I'm not 100% sure this will accomplish that but I'm sure it will at the very least discourage it. You can find information on ways to protect the images of your loved ones here http://diaperimages.com/ . I have downloaded a program that will aid me in this endeavor and you will soon find the changes added to any and all images I post in the future. I'd like to thank Very Mom for the post and the information on how to protect my loved ones.

bitterness

Today after dealing with rolled eyes from what I have to remind myself is God’s gift of my first daughter, rolled her eyes and grunted sounds that make me want to send her back from whence she came. I have been thinking about what a lovely teenager I once was. Heck honestly I don’t think I’ve stopped being that thorn in the side to my mother. I remember my resentment towards her beginning as early as my 8^th year. We lived across the street from the playground. There were supervised activities in the evenings and over summer break.

Go away, Mom, leave me alone! I can cross the street without holding your hand Mom! Mom, I’m 9 years old, I’m practically grown, I can make my own decisions. I can take care of myself! I could see MaryJo waving to me from across the street the games were about to begin and I once again had to have my Mom dragging behind. I yelled hi to MaryJo and looked both ways to cross the street with my bike with the banana seat in tow.

What was I thinking? 8 years old and I thought I knew it all. I thought I didn’t need Mom anymore. Well at least until the next meal or I needed some money or something. I realize now just how mean and bitter I was from an early age. For reasons I’m not sure I have a clue why, even now. It could be because from the young age of 5 my parents used me as the interpreter for every given situation that arose.

Trip to McDonald’s:

Mom: Lillie, you quiero una hamburgesa conquesso y papas fritas

Dad: Yo tambien.. con una coca-cola

Mom: Quiero Te para tomar.

Me: 2 hamburgers, 3 fries. I'd like 1 cheeseburger, a coke, a tea and a chocolate shake.

Cashier: Will that be all.

Me: Yes thank you.

Cashier: That will be, $??

That was the easy stuff. At home I had to field all the telephone calls and interpret for my parents and for the caller. You have to remember this was back in the day when Spanish wasn’t so prominent in the states. No press 1 for English and 2 for Spanish. I was responsible for the translation of important business. Dealings with the bank, the doctor, the insurance company, the grocer, etc. were left up to me to interpret. Each week when the bills were due take a stab at who actually wrote them? You got it me, 7 or 9 year old me up through the time I moved out to live with my husband at the ripe old age of 18.

Mom: Aqui estan las cuentas.y la chequera.

Me: OK!

Mom and or Dad would bring me the stack of bills and the checkbook along with a Spanish / English book that showed how to write all the numbers. I never understood why they couldn’t have just used that book themselves and not depended on me so much. I even asked that same question many times. The answer was always the same.

Dad: Tenemos confianza en tigo. Porfavor hagame este favor.

Me: Si, Papi.

They trusted me. I don’t think they know even to this day what a terrible burden that was for a child. I never felt I truly had a childhood. I grew up and only child and early on in apartment complexes that had few children. They were occupied by mostly older people that either never had children or had children that had long sense grown and moved away from home. I was surrounded by adults. I was given the duties that most adults didn’t have. I didn’t know anyone that had to interpret on a daily basis and yet when it came time to play I was treated as a child. It’s no wonder I grew so bitter.

This bitterness has not left me and for this I’m sorry and disappointed in myself as well. Mom’s relationship and mine hasn’t changed much over the years. Yes she is my mother and as such still wants to protect me. She still treats me like a baby even though I have been more the mother since the age of 5 then she could ever be. Why do I resent this? Well seeing as I can’t afford a really good shrink I guess I’ll never know. Just one more thing that makes me who I am right or wrong and yes I know there is much more wrong in it than right.

Nana's funeral

Patty did a wonderful job with all the details involved in having Nana laid to rest. She had her dressed in a beautiful pant suit, something I'm sure Nana would have approved of. Nana was very prim and proper. In my 22 years with this family I don't recall a single time that Nana was not dressed to the 9's. Though I had no idea just how beautiful Nana was as a young woman until I saw the pictures of her in her youth.

Nana could have easily been a model in her day. There were so many pictures from Nana's lifetime that were brought together for a memorial Power Point presentation done at the church for her service today. As I said in my previous post I should have taken the time to get to know this woman. It seems she lived a remarkable life. It's perhaps a bit late now but I plan to find out more about her and the life Patty had growing up. I found a few pictures of my own with Nana and I'd like to share them....

I seized the opportunity for a picture with Bob and I all dressed up. It doesn't happen much for either of us and I'm sorry it takes this type of thing to get him dressed up but here we are! Ain't we cute?

Yeah some say we are the odd couple and yet we are the perfect match. You got to admit it isn't easy having a marriage survive this long and heck for old folks we held up purdy dang good wouldn't ya say?

The end has come

21 June 2005 19:56 EDT | Posted by wifeandmotherof4 The end has come
This morning Nana died, passed away, went on to a better place, departed this earth. Her pain is over and now the pain for all those she left behind will be difficult to shake. Nana was a strong woman. I never knew my grandparents so I truly don't have anything to compare her to.

I would see Nana at Christmas, we always had his family celebrations at her house. All the grandkids, their spouses and great grandkids would gather for wonderful food and catching up. Nana would always come to birthday celebrations until a few years back when the noise seemed to be too much for her and it was either too cold or too hot. Soon it was too much for her to continue with the Christmas celebration at her home. Not to mention the fact we had long since begun to over flow her house.

What with 4 grandchildren ( she has one other grandchild but she lives on the left coast and unable to come for these celebrations), 13 great grand children and 5 great, great grand children not many could handle this crowd. Especially when you count all the spouses, boyfriends and girlfriends the house was busting at the seems. We started using the church for our Christmas gatherings and Nana was not up to attending anymore.

Over the course of the last few days I've heard some wonderful stories about the woman that I guess I never took the time to get to know as well as I should have. She lived a glorious life for 87 years. I'm grateful God let her into his kingdom swiftly. I know none of us were prepared for her to go as soon as she did and yet I know it was best. She was able to die peacefully in her home with her loving family at her side. The coming days and months will be most difficult for her daughter Patty as she spent the last 2 years caring for her mother. I know that the days leading up to the funeral services will keep her busy and the true loss will come when that is over.

I pray that God will help her through this most difficult time and that God will give those family members the wisdom not to fly circles around Nana's belongings. I say this although I feel the vultures are ready to land and take what they feel is rightfully theirs. To them I say there is plenty of time to work out the details and now is not the time. I fear however that the shadow from the circling vultures has me running the opposite direction. I want nothing and yet I know Patty will not be able to stand up to the pressures soon bearing their weight on her.

Here is a picture of Nana at our wedding 21 and 1/2 years ago. This is the Nana I want to remember.

graduation day!

Graduation day!
Today Nickie graduated from middle school. She looked absolutely beautiful in her skirt and eyelet top. So grown up.

The ceremony was looooonnnnggg and I was so proud of not only Nickie's ability to sit there and attend but also with Brandon for being so well behaved.

It was awful the way many of the adults acted. Yelling names and making comments. Even after the principal gave a 3-4 minute speech on how the parents and adults in the audience should lead by example and please be dignified. The people sitting behind us were the loudest of the bunch. Yelling things constantly.


I gave Brandon a big hug and thanked him for behaving better than many of the adults. He just beamed with pride.


BTW, forgive the date stamp on the pictures above they should read 6/1/2005... I by passed setting the date and time stamp on my camera hoping that would prevent the time stamp from showing. Obviosly not. I guess I have to pull out the instruction manual to find out just how I disable that feature.

sad news
Thursday night Bob and I went to the hospital to visit with his Nana. She had been admitted to the hospital the morning before for severe bleeding from her mouth. A few days earlier Nana had surgery to remove a cancerous legion from her tongue. This was the second time that the area bled. This time she lost volumes of blood.

Wed. she was infused with 4 liters of blood. My mother in law. Patty, said Nana was in good spirits and believed that the next day she would be released from the hospital. On Thur. morning Nana awoke but was unresponsive. She wasn't able to speak, eat or drink. It seems that sometime during the night Nana had suffered a severe stroke. At first the nurses didn't let on to Patty that it was more than a mini stroke and they led her to believe Nana would snap out of it soon. Patty put her faith in them and prepared herself for the out patient surgery she had been scheduled for the following morning.

When Patty awoke from her surgery she asked to go upstairs to check on her mother. They agreed but insisted she must go home and rest from her surgery. Of course she never did. When she reached Nana's room plans were being made to release Nana for home with hospice care. HOSPICE, you know that word sounds nice and all but it took like 1.5 seconds to realize what that meant. Nana is dying. It had been some months since I had seen Nana last and I was shocked when today I went to her house to help Patty with the things that come second hand to me having had to deal with Nickie's care for so many years. I got my sister in law, Linda to help me turn Nana, change her, wash her up and lotion her down.

Nana's skin is transparent and paper thin. I was afraid I'd tear her skin just touching her. When I went to roll her over I could feel her ribs crunching under my fingers. She is so fragile. She is sleeping a lot and though she is not able to respond with her voice she is fully aware of what is going on around her. I informed her of every move I was about to make and I asked her if she was comfortable. Shee shook her head no and lifted her head off the pillows for me to adjust them for her. She has been with out food for a couple of days now and off the IV since she left the hospital yesterday.

It all seems so cruel not to give her food and water and yet with the massive stroke she had she is paralized in the face, mouth and most likely throat and trying to feed her anyting could easily cause her to suffer from asspiration pneumonia. A fate that would certainly speed up what is soon to come now. Patty had to sign a DNR at the hospital as the doctor explained anything else would be prolonging the inevitable. And with CPR would come crushed ribs and even more damage to her ailing heart.

I know just how difficult that must have been for her. Bob and I had to face that same choice when Nickie was only 4 months old. It is the most difficult thing we ever had to do. I pray I never have to be given that choice again.

Bob is right now at his Nana's sad and lonely because even though he is surrounded by his family I'm not there to help him through this. Don't think I'm cruel I'd be ther with him now if I could. Her house is not handicap accessible and lugging a several hundred pound chair up several steps is not something we are able to do. We have no nursing care and no one else to watch after her so here I sit while I long to be with him. Comforting him and letting him know its ok to cry.