sad news Thursday night Bob and I went to the hospital to visit with his Nana. She had been admitted to the hospital the morning before for severe bleeding from her mouth. A few days earlier Nana had surgery to remove a cancerous legion from her tongue. This was the second time that the area bled. This time she lost volumes of blood.
Wed. she was infused with 4 liters of blood. My mother in law. Patty, said Nana was in good spirits and believed that the next day she would be released from the hospital. On Thur. morning Nana awoke but was unresponsive. She wasn't able to speak, eat or drink. It seems that sometime during the night Nana had suffered a severe stroke. At first the nurses didn't let on to Patty that it was more than a mini stroke and they led her to believe Nana would snap out of it soon. Patty put her faith in them and prepared herself for the out patient surgery she had been scheduled for the following morning.
When Patty awoke from her surgery she asked to go upstairs to check on her mother. They agreed but insisted she must go home and rest from her surgery. Of course she never did. When she reached Nana's room plans were being made to release Nana for home with hospice care. HOSPICE, you know that word sounds nice and all but it took like 1.5 seconds to realize what that meant. Nana is dying. It had been some months since I had seen Nana last and I was shocked when today I went to her house to help Patty with the things that come second hand to me having had to deal with Nickie's care for so many years. I got my sister in law, Linda to help me turn Nana, change her, wash her up and lotion her down.
Nana's skin is transparent and paper thin. I was afraid I'd tear her skin just touching her. When I went to roll her over I could feel her ribs crunching under my fingers. She is so fragile. She is sleeping a lot and though she is not able to respond with her voice she is fully aware of what is going on around her. I informed her of every move I was about to make and I asked her if she was comfortable. Shee shook her head no and lifted her head off the pillows for me to adjust them for her. She has been with out food for a couple of days now and off the IV since she left the hospital yesterday.
It all seems so cruel not to give her food and water and yet with the massive stroke she had she is paralized in the face, mouth and most likely throat and trying to feed her anyting could easily cause her to suffer from asspiration pneumonia. A fate that would certainly speed up what is soon to come now. Patty had to sign a DNR at the hospital as the doctor explained anything else would be prolonging the inevitable. And with CPR would come crushed ribs and even more damage to her ailing heart.
I know just how difficult that must have been for her. Bob and I had to face that same choice when Nickie was only 4 months old. It is the most difficult thing we ever had to do. I pray I never have to be given that choice again.
Bob is right now at his Nana's sad and lonely because even though he is surrounded by his family I'm not there to help him through this. Don't think I'm cruel I'd be ther with him now if I could. Her house is not handicap accessible and lugging a several hundred pound chair up several steps is not something we are able to do. We have no nursing care and no one else to watch after her so here I sit while I long to be with him. Comforting him and letting him know its ok to cry.
