Saturday, June 25, 2011

8 months

     I have officially passed the 8 month mark working in dialysis.  Just 4 months ago I didn't think I would make it here.  I also thought I would never like, much less begin to love this job.  It is a stressful specialty as I've said before but I have found my comfort zone.  It is wonderful the connections I have made with many of my patients.
     Just a few weeks ago one of my patient's (she is like the grandmother I never had) son passed from a long illness.  She told me it would mean so much to her if I would go to the viewing.  She went on to tell me how she has loved me since very shortly after I began working there.  When Bob and I went to the viewing her family made a fuss over me and explained how, (let's call her Grandma B) she spoke of me often.  It was so nice to know that what I do makes such a difference to my patients.  Six months has made all the difference!  Grandma B., said she saw my potential from the beginning.  It is the little things that mean so much.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Happy Father's Day Dad!

     As father's day approaches I have of course been thinking of my Dad.  Truly I think about him often, but today it has hit me really hard how much I miss him. More than anything I'm sorry that Brandon never had the opportunity to know him.   I realize that the woman I am today is in great part due to my Dad.  I am strong because he always told me I could do or be anything I wanted.  I didn't believe him then.  I didn't believe in myself.  Today I know he was right.  Today I also realize the difficulties he and my mother both had leaving everything they knew to leave communist Cuba to make a better life for themselves.  They believed in the American dream and they found it here in Virginia.
    
     Dad worked very hard in a factory as did Mom to start their family.  After 4 years of living in Virginia and working very hard I came to be.  As a child and young teen I didn't understand just how hard they worked to provide me with a sound middle class up bringing.  It's true I didn't have designer clothing, or live in an upscale neighborhood.  What I did have was food on the table, clothes, records, stereo, my own room in a very nice brick rancher in a middle class neighborhood.  I never wanted for anything that I didn't get. 

     Dad always had great expectations of me.  Sadly I don't think I met those expectations before Dad died.  He never said that of course but I never felt I lived up to what he thought I should become.  Maybe a doctor or lawyer or something like that.  I do think he would be proud to know I did finally become an RN.  I only wish I'd done it sooner so he could have been there at my graduation.  I do feel that even after his death he is still with me.  Dad and his words are still with me, "You have to do, what you have to do."  Simple words that are so very true.

     I know in my heart that Dad is looking down and smiling on me and my family.  I know one day I will be reunited with him and that gives me a great deal of comfort.  Right now, I just miss him.   I wish he were here for me to say these words to, though reality is I probably would not say them to him.  It is much easier to tell this to strangers on the world wide web that it would have been to ever say them to Dad.  Why is that?  So Dad it is here in black and white that I type these words and I pray you can read them or know that I think them.  Happy Father's Day Daddy, I love you and I miss you!