Changes

I'm so very excited about the changes I will soon be making. Soon I will be embarking on a career change. This is something that I'm sure is no big deal to most, for me it is possibly life changing. I have been working with my husband and his paint contracting business for nearly 16 years now. I will of course continue to help him but he will have to take on some of the office responsibilities I have had for so long. Next month I will begin real estate class.

Its funny in some ways as I really never considered myself a sales person, perhaps customer service but never sales. Honestly I've always hated sales people though I suppose I never really thought of real estate in that same category but I probably should have. I consider myself a real people person. I can converse with most anyone. I may not have the highest of education, I only completed some college I was half way into an RN program when I decided it just wasn't for me. I have to deal daily with nursing for Nickie and I realized that I couldn't work in nursing and come home to it and not take it out on Nickie at the end of the day. I needed some balance and I am hoping real estate will bring me some balance.

I've heard the horror stories of real estate and though I'm trying to be positive in this career choice I am realistic. I don't expect riches and I certainly don't expect it to be easy. I do however hope that this choice will bring in some much needed extra income and be a good fit for me. Please keep me in your thoughts and send me some good mojo and pray for me to do well and to have finally found the nitch that will help us to improve our financial situation. Thanks!

Quiet of the morning

I sit here in the brief quiet time of my day. I can't get enough of this peaceful time. I awake no later than 7 am just to have an hour or 2 of quiet to myself. Time to catch up on my blog reading or to catch up on my magazines or the paper. This morning I caught up on my favorite blogs and realized that at this late hour, 10 AM the kids are still asleep and I've stretched this quiet time out longer than I thought possible. I am thankful for this time and yet I know all too shortly the mornings will be hectic again with school approaching much faster than I think it should

Just a few short weeks ago I was apprehensive about the upcoming summer months and having the kids home 24/7. The fear is usually worse than the reality of it all. We have slipped into a comfortable rhythm of the kids sleeping late and my rising early to enjoy the peace. Brandon has been waking and easing into his day. I'm thankful for this also as he wakes with a smile and a hearty good morning and retreats to the living room and entertains himself with reading or a game until he is ready for his breakfast. He has a routine that I've come to appreciate he and his cousin play most every afternoon and into the early evening. They do tend to get loud from time to time and they have their fights but all in all they play well together.

Nickie has been going to summer school this year more for the socialization than for the academics. She loves school and it will be tough for her next week since summer school ends tomorrow. I have to come up with outings for both Nickie and Brandon that will keep us out of the horrible heat wave we have been having. The last few days have had a heat index of 103 or there abouts. I have feared heat stroke from the short walk from the house to the van and vise versa. I thank God for the brilliant person that invented air conditioning.

Jackie has been sleeping till noon or later and with the moodiness she has been presenting lately I don't even think of waking her at all. It seems there is nothing that I do that is enough. She can't seem to follow simple instructions and the roll of the eyes that I receive at least a dozen times a day is getting really old. She stays in her room or out with her cousins or friends as much as possible and I completely understand why God made teenagers this way. It surely makes the preparation for the departure from the nest much easier on both parties involved. Bob and I look towards that day with longing on some days and Lord knows she does as well. We must be the worst parents in the world! We feed and clothe her we love her and protect her and somehow that translates to mean and overbearing. Wait, I had a flash back to my parents the scenario was similar and yet they were mean and overbearing, we are not.

Well the quiet is over now and I have been summoned to prepare breakfast for the prince. Good day!

Happy Birthday Brandon

Today Brandon turned 7. The cakes design was commissioned by the prince himself. What vision! In his 7 years here young Brandon continues to amaze me. He's brilliant, beautiful and oh so talented. In the last few months he as announced that he will have many jobs when he grows up. He will be a scientist, an inventor, a teacher, a movie star, a worker and a baseball player. I'm still trying to decide what I will be when I grow up and my young son has planned enough for several lifetimes. I'm confident he will be able to accomplish anything his heart desires. Happy birthday, Brandon!

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Hart Bochner

OK its time I tell this story here since it is the one and only story that I have to tell about any Hollywood stars I've met in person. Its also my favorite story to tell. Back in the early 80's I had the opportunity to see the Hollywood All Star baseball team play in my home town. I've never been a baseball fan but the idea of seeing some Stars up close was certainly a plus. This wasn't the type of thing that happened often being so far from Hollywood and most likely the last chance I'd have to be this close to any stars in my lifetime.
Karen and I went to the game with cameras in hand and autograph books in tow. We arrived early and saw the team of which at first glance I only recognized a few of the team members. Robert Hegyes , who play Juan Epstien on Welcome Back Kotter and one of the supporting role cops on CHiPs. Just before the game was about to begin Karen pointed out that Hart Bochner was on the team. I didn't recognize the name until she reminded me that he was the actor that had played Doc on Terror Train, a movie Karen and I had seen together. Doc was an interesting character and met his early demise in the film. He was such a hottie. Mark Harmon http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001319/ was also there.
Hart was nice enough to pose for some pics for us just before the game began. Karen watched the game while I intently watch Hart. After the game Hart and Mark had lines forming for autographs. Karen was a huge Mark Harmon fan so I accompanied her to get his autograph which we both received along with a very salty kiss. We moved to Hart's line and with each passing moment as we got closer to Hart I became more and more nervous. He was so beautiful. Just ahead of me in line was a young blonde who couldn't have been more than a year or 2 older than my 15 years. When she reached Hart she handed him a motel room key and asked him to join her later. I just knew he would accept, to my surprise he smiled at her and said, "Thank you but my girl back home wouldn't like that." I'm sure she was devastated but I was elated. By the time I reached Hart the butterflies were doing double time and my heart was racing. I handed Hart my autograph book which he signed and I bent down to kiss him on the cheek. I quickly turned to leave covering my lips with the thought of never washing my lips again, when I heard Hart say I was going to kiss you on the lips. Well needless to say I never turned and moved so quickly in all my life. I snagged that kissed and was on cloud nine for days. Truthfully I'm on cloud nine every time I retell this story.
After the signings the stars retreated to the other side of the fence to eat a meal. Karen and I were about to call for a ride home when Hart called me over to the fence, by name mind you, to chat. He was so friendly and talkative. I don't know why I didn't ask him for an address or something but I guess I never thought he would write to me much less remember me after that day. He did however leave me with a wonderful impression of a kind man. He was a star and he certainly didn't have to be so kind to me a complete stranger. I have gone through these last 25 years with a memory that has never dimmed.
So much so that I recently tried to contact him. I was able via some work to get a letter to him about my memories of that wonderful day. I did get a response that I'm sure again is just a testament of the kind man he is, he said he remember that day well and was surprised to hear from me. I know it is impossible that he remembers but how nice was that? Perhaps the letter was not even from the man himself but I will have to for my sake believe that it is.

a letter to my son

Shaun,

Today in spite of my wanting you to remain a boy you are officially a man. Legal age. I’m still in shock that 21 years have flown by so quickly for me. I know it doesn’t feel that way to you. I remember how long it seemed to get to 16 then 18, 21 got lost along the way cause by then I had you a 2 year old baby. I didn’t know what I was doing most of the time but all in all I guess I didn’t do so bad, after all you turned out to be a wonderful young man.

I know we have had our moments like when you were about 13 and slammed your bedroom door in my face and then returned home to find your door off the hinges. Yeah-classic Roseanne stuff. Despite times like that I have always been proud of the boy you were and the man you have become. The moments fleeting, as they are when you do something nice for Jackie fills my eyes with tears. I know you love her and yeah I know she can be a pain just as you could be. When you spend time with Brandon you light up his life like no one else can. This is also true of Nickie who loves you so much.

I’m proud of the hard worker you are and of the fact you intend to go back to school so you won’t have to do the same hard work your Dad has had to do his whole life. I know you will make it through school fine once you get back to it. I’m also proud of the choice you made in Alexis. I know you probably don’t think so and yes I admit I didn’t think so at first but I do now. Its just no one will ever be good enough for my number one son or so I thought. I hope things work out for you two the way you have hoped and dreamed.

Its been an honor to be your Mom and with tears in my eyes I write these words to you because I want you to always remember that you are always my baby boy and that I love you with all my heart. Don’t forget your old Mom, OK? Never forget that you can come to me with anything. I may not always have the answers or the answer you want or the money to fix the problem but I always have the love in my heart, even when you don’t think it is true. Tell me who is it you call when you need someone to fight for you? Its me, you know it. I will always be there. Happy Birthday!

I love you Shaun,

Mom

Sad news in London

I woke this morning to the terrible news of the attacks in London. I am praying for all those affected by this horrible tragedy. It has dredged up the fears of another attack here. I am concentrating now on sending good mojo and prayers to all of the people their not only the injured but also those helping with the rescue efforts. God be with them all.

Perverts and images on the internet

I was surfing the internet for new and interesting blogs when I came across http://www.verymom.com/archives/2005/07/03/448 with a posting about online images that are being stolen and used for God only knows what purpose. I know that there are freaks and perverts and the like all over the internet and this isn't the first time I've heard something like this told. I have been naive enough to hope that I would never have to worry about it myself. However, after reading this and other postings like it I feel it is necessary to protect not just the images but the reputations of those in the images. I'm not 100% sure this will accomplish that but I'm sure it will at the very least discourage it. You can find information on ways to protect the images of your loved ones here http://diaperimages.com/ . I have downloaded a program that will aid me in this endeavor and you will soon find the changes added to any and all images I post in the future. I'd like to thank Very Mom for the post and the information on how to protect my loved ones.

bitterness

Today after dealing with rolled eyes from what I have to remind myself is God’s gift of my first daughter, rolled her eyes and grunted sounds that make me want to send her back from whence she came. I have been thinking about what a lovely teenager I once was. Heck honestly I don’t think I’ve stopped being that thorn in the side to my mother. I remember my resentment towards her beginning as early as my 8^th year. We lived across the street from the playground. There were supervised activities in the evenings and over summer break.

Go away, Mom, leave me alone! I can cross the street without holding your hand Mom! Mom, I’m 9 years old, I’m practically grown, I can make my own decisions. I can take care of myself! I could see MaryJo waving to me from across the street the games were about to begin and I once again had to have my Mom dragging behind. I yelled hi to MaryJo and looked both ways to cross the street with my bike with the banana seat in tow.

What was I thinking? 8 years old and I thought I knew it all. I thought I didn’t need Mom anymore. Well at least until the next meal or I needed some money or something. I realize now just how mean and bitter I was from an early age. For reasons I’m not sure I have a clue why, even now. It could be because from the young age of 5 my parents used me as the interpreter for every given situation that arose.

Trip to McDonald’s:

Mom: Lillie, you quiero una hamburgesa conquesso y papas fritas

Dad: Yo tambien.. con una coca-cola

Mom: Quiero Te para tomar.

Me: 2 hamburgers, 3 fries. I'd like 1 cheeseburger, a coke, a tea and a chocolate shake.

Cashier: Will that be all.

Me: Yes thank you.

Cashier: That will be, $??

That was the easy stuff. At home I had to field all the telephone calls and interpret for my parents and for the caller. You have to remember this was back in the day when Spanish wasn’t so prominent in the states. No press 1 for English and 2 for Spanish. I was responsible for the translation of important business. Dealings with the bank, the doctor, the insurance company, the grocer, etc. were left up to me to interpret. Each week when the bills were due take a stab at who actually wrote them? You got it me, 7 or 9 year old me up through the time I moved out to live with my husband at the ripe old age of 18.

Mom: Aqui estan las cuentas.y la chequera.

Me: OK!

Mom and or Dad would bring me the stack of bills and the checkbook along with a Spanish / English book that showed how to write all the numbers. I never understood why they couldn’t have just used that book themselves and not depended on me so much. I even asked that same question many times. The answer was always the same.

Dad: Tenemos confianza en tigo. Porfavor hagame este favor.

Me: Si, Papi.

They trusted me. I don’t think they know even to this day what a terrible burden that was for a child. I never felt I truly had a childhood. I grew up and only child and early on in apartment complexes that had few children. They were occupied by mostly older people that either never had children or had children that had long sense grown and moved away from home. I was surrounded by adults. I was given the duties that most adults didn’t have. I didn’t know anyone that had to interpret on a daily basis and yet when it came time to play I was treated as a child. It’s no wonder I grew so bitter.

This bitterness has not left me and for this I’m sorry and disappointed in myself as well. Mom’s relationship and mine hasn’t changed much over the years. Yes she is my mother and as such still wants to protect me. She still treats me like a baby even though I have been more the mother since the age of 5 then she could ever be. Why do I resent this? Well seeing as I can’t afford a really good shrink I guess I’ll never know. Just one more thing that makes me who I am right or wrong and yes I know there is much more wrong in it than right.

Nana's funeral

Patty did a wonderful job with all the details involved in having Nana laid to rest. She had her dressed in a beautiful pant suit, something I'm sure Nana would have approved of. Nana was very prim and proper. In my 22 years with this family I don't recall a single time that Nana was not dressed to the 9's. Though I had no idea just how beautiful Nana was as a young woman until I saw the pictures of her in her youth.

Nana could have easily been a model in her day. There were so many pictures from Nana's lifetime that were brought together for a memorial Power Point presentation done at the church for her service today. As I said in my previous post I should have taken the time to get to know this woman. It seems she lived a remarkable life. It's perhaps a bit late now but I plan to find out more about her and the life Patty had growing up. I found a few pictures of my own with Nana and I'd like to share them....