The "inner circle" part Three

part one and two.

After receiving Jean's email I immediately sent this to Trish:

Trish,
I wanted to let you know the link you sent about Extreme home makeover may well be helping a family in my home school group. Below is her details of a day of filming, with any luck she will make it to the top 5 and hopefully be the family picked for the show in the end. Keep Jean and her family in your prayers!
Lillie

She wrote me back:

Oh, Lillie, thank you for letting me know - I'll definitely keep them in my prayers- let me know, ok!?! Love you!!




I was so happy for Jean and her family that I also emailed my friends to let them know the good news!

Friends,
I wanted to send you an email sent to me from my friend Jean. I forwarded a link to extreme home make over that was sent to me by my friend Trish. EHM was looking for a family in our area to help out and I'd like to ask you all to pray for Jean and her family and perhaps she will be blessed and be picked. There was a time a good friend of mine, Ruppert, was doing his best to get us some help from this same show. God had other plans for us and saw to it that we got this wonderful house we are now in. Though not the perfect set up for a wheelchair it works well and I surely feel very blessed. Thank you Ruppert for everything you've done for us! Anyway, I'll be sure to keep you all updated on the results.
Lillie


Suffice it to say I was more than a bit happy for Jean! Fast forward to last Friday. I'm on my way home from a trip to Richmond when I receive a phone call from Linda, telling me that there is a buzz around town about Extreme Home makeover. Apparently on Thursday night reps of EHM had been to a local church, New Life, and they were hyping up the group about a local family they were going to be helping. Wow! It was really going to happen! As soon as I got home I emailed Trish with the good news! I checked my email to see if any "official" word had come from the inner circle. Of course there was none. I was able to verify via a friend at New Life that the buzz was true and that the house was being built for Jean and her family in Rice. How exciting! In our conversation I found that through a friend of a friend she had information that my old HS group had sent out an email of the good news... just they didn't see it was necessary to let me know about it. This of course lead me to write to Nicole*:

Nicole*,
I heard via Nickie's nurse that EHM did come to Rice so I can only assume she was picked! I wish someone had let me know! I feel so left out and I was the one that sent the link! Oh well.
Lillie

Nicole's* reply:

EHM has not contacted anyone in this group to my knowlege. I talked to Jean on Wed and she was not even sure she would be selected. It has not happened. Until it does (if it does) I wouldn't be very inclined to contact anyone about it.
Nicole*

Now remember this is Friday I'm writing to her, this is important to remember as you will see:

Nicole*,
interesting cause its all over town that something happened at New life last night to kick the event off. . Now I can't be sure its about Jean but it is in Rice and that is where her house is being built. However since y'all wouldn't have known about them looking for a military family in need without my email to you all it's interesting that I'd be completely left out of the good that came of it... Now, I'm not blaming you Nancy that isn't my intention, however it would have been nice to know about it.
Besides I've also heard through the grapevine that the group has been aware since sometime this week. I'm happy for Jean and her family! I'm just sad that I was left out of the celebration. Yeah it is nice to be recognized for getting the info to you all and it helping out one of the group, but I suppose that isn't gonna happen.
God bless,
Lillie

Drive by her house in RIce and see for yourself.I believe you will find everyting as it was when Michael left for Iraq. I will repeat, no one in this group has been contacted by EHM to my knowledge. Let me commend you for sending the link. I can now check that off my todo list.

I was at home in bed last night. If anything happened at New Life, it did not involve anyone in this group to my knowledge. There were a few people in the group instrumental in getting EHM Jeans info, a couple more so than you. I have not heard one of them say anything about needing to be recognized for their effort. That is absolutly selfish. Punching a couple of computer buttons does not quite qualify you for an award. Or anything else.

No one, as far as I am aware, has been asked to be a part of the show, nor has anyone "known" anything since earlier this week. I'm not sure where you are getting your info and I really don't care. However, you should recheck your sources. I am going to end this email now before i get ugly and will not engage in this discussion anymore. When I do hear any news or official information, you can bet, I will not be sharing it with you, although I may have before this evening.

Nicole*

I have had a very hard day.

Please do not bother me again this evening.

Ummmm Yeah of course if I were to drive by her house, even if I knew where it was, on any day prior to today, 12/3/07 would see the house in the same condition it was left in on Michael's deployment. Duh!

OK, I'll admit my use of the word recognized was not perhaps the correct word to have been used. What I had meant was I didn't want to be left out of the loop. I only wanted to be informed. Those of you that know me, know that I'm a happy go lucky person. I like to laugh and I'm a big kidder. I joke all the time. Most of what I say has to be taken in that context. I'll admit however, I wasn't in a joking mood when I felt I was being left out of the loop. Fortunately for me I didn't receive her reply to that email till I got back online today. Poor Nicole* and her very hard day.

Nicole* Wow! If you weren't trying so very hard to flat out lie to me Nancy I

don't think you'd be so angered. If you wish I can produce via a contact at New Life the original email from Lindsey. You know what a small town this is. So you all were well aware of this by I believe it was Thursday last week. I don't know why you feel like I wouldn't want to know. I'm so very happy for Jean and her family. And let me explain my recognition statement in the prior email. What I meant was not wanting or needing a pat on the back but recognition for being part of the group.... part of the process. I admit to not knowing Jean's family's situation so I was not able to nominate her. I had hoped that the information I had sent to the group would benefit one of the members or at a minimum one of the military families that you might know. Anyway, you've proven everything that I ever suspected of you to be true. I can't believe you can take a simple question like the first one I'd asked at the start of this email to this level. God bless, Lillie

Lillie, Your statement was that we had know from earlier that week. We
only found out Thursday late in the evenning. Like I said in my email.
It is not my responsability to see that you are informed of anything.
If you want to say I lied, feel free, that is subject to your own
interpretation. I feel fine about and stand behind  my actions and
statements. You seem to have been acting very selfishly and implying that the
group "owed" you something. We owe you nothing. Had you approached this
in a different way, I think you would have had a much better result.
However, don't think you are going to jump on me with both feet and see
me play nice.    This seems to be an ongoing problem for you. Acting
like a victim and blaming everyone for your own hurt feelings.

It had nothing to do with my thinking you wouldn't want to know. I
really wasn't thinking about you at all.

If you want to be a part of EHM, volunteer like anyone else, they don't
care what "group" you found out from.

And by the way, don't call me a liar and bless me in the same email.
N

And the truth shall set you free!  Now you tell me was Nicole flat out
lying to keep me out of the loop or what?  The evidence is before you and
I ask you to be the judge!  I find it very telling that she likes to twist my
words into something to suit her needs.  Something to justify the fact she told
a huge bold faced lie.

She sent this last bit just after sending the last one above.  Now, I'd say her
anger is a direct result of having her hand caught in the cookie jar.

And by the way. Whatever you have suspected to be true about me and has
been confirmed now by this communication is BS. I have always been
nice to you. I have tried to be a friend to you. I have always been
sincere in my friendship. So whatever....grow up! N

Just one more note... I was talking to my friend at New Life about the emails
and she made a valid point.  Nicole* could have easily taken my first email and
taken the higher ground by replying that she was sorry she hadn't thought to
contact me with the details.  This would have admitted her "mistake" without the
added lie.  I would have just thought OK so they forgot me, not, they purposely
left me out.  Again I will let you all be the judge.

The "inner circle" - part one

I have bitten my tongue or slapped my hands to avoid posting anything about this subject in the past but I just can't keep quiet a moment longer. I had mentioned in the past about the home school group I was involved with and how much I appreciated them. I refrained from telling you about the horrors that I went through with the group, with the exception of a couple of the mom's, this group turned out to be a nightmare. I found the group through an online search for home school groups in my area. I found one local group that apparently didn't have much activity to the web page and the mother that started her own group sent me a message to tell me about her group. I looked it up and joined the yahoo group she had told me about.

When I first met them back in 3/06 they of course put on their best home school mom faces. They appeared genuinely interested in us when we came to the first play group and also seemed interested in Jean and her family who came for the first time on the same day. Both Jean and I have children with disabilities and they seemed interested in the challenges that those disabilities brought to our lives. Unlike most of the mom's in the group I had not been a home school mom from the start of my children's school years. Little did I know that this made me a lessor home school mom in their eyes. I know that my choosing to home school my son when I did was for reasons that I felt were best for him at the time. I'm not of the belief that home schooling is the best choice for all children, all families or that the choice to home school can't change over time. I don't feel home schooled children are better than any other children nor do I believe the opposite is true. I do believe that children that are either in public school, private school or home school still need the guidance of their parents. A public school education can be fantastic or it can be lacking but in either case with a parents involvement any deficits can be made up and for those lucky enough to have great teachers still need their parents support.

What I found almost immediately was that these mothers seemed to speak badly of parents/moms of public schooled children (PS). Heck they spoke badly of each other when ever they had the chance to do so. The sad truth is women are notorious for back stabbing. Let me assure you this isn't what I'm attempting to do here as you will see by the end of the coming posts that this is about telling the facts as I know them.

The "inner circle" is composed of 3 moms in particular. *I've changed their names to protect their identities. Nicole*, (Catholic home school mom of 6 children, yeah Catholic, but not the "perfect" Catholic that she seems to portray). I won't go into the specifics cause that would be airing dirty laundry. Stacy*, married (to a man that at least one of the mom's says is a hottie) home school mom of 2 young boys (Catholic wanna be from what I understand). Mandy*, wife and home school mom of 3 girls (not sure of her religious orientation or if she has any). I'm not giving the religious info for any reason other than giving some background of each. We are all sinners, we all fall very far from the example that was set for us by our creator and I know this includes me. This isn't a Sunday school lesson so I'll stop there. Just the facts, here. This "inner circle" keeps each other informed of the goings on of its other members. Speaking as if they are of higher power. Better than the rest if you will. The truth is they are no better than any other person in the group or on this earth. We are all equal. I learned fairly early on that I shouldn't talk about anything more than myself and my home school trials and tribulations. It wasn't long that I'd hear things that I had confided in one mom being repeated to me by another mom.

One afternoon I hosted the group at my home. The moms settled in the house for coffee, cake and other goodies set aside for all to enjoy as well as the usual conversation. Now mind you the group is pretty large and I have a modest home only about 1,800 square feet and the moms and children I numbered above were only a small part of the group. At one point Stacy* sees Bob, my husband, arrive home and he greets everyone and runs upstairs to get cleaned up. *Stacy remarks how cute he is. I thank her and tell her I thought so too. This get together went fairly uneventfully except for the mess left outside from the water balloons and plastic cups and such and the mess in Brandon's room.

A few play dates later and Stacy* mentions to me that she can't understand how I could stay married to Bob. Apparently she had a short conversation with him outside at the previous meeting at my house and he spoke to her about his wish to get out of his current profession. In that 5 minute conversation she had decided he was impossible to live with. Of course the fact that Bob isn't a drunk, abusive in anyway or the fact that he is a wonderful loving husband and father unlike her own comments about her husband made him impossible to live with. I suppose we have different ideas about what a good husband and father should be. I sat there in complete shock and though I should have said something like, "oh yeah a husband that drinks till he's drunk every night is the GOLD standard. I'm not sorry I didn't aim that high!" Instead I had no reply. Again I bit my tongue cause everything that came to mind was going to be hurtful. Believe it or not I do try not to be hurtful. Not to say that I haven't opened mouth and inserted foot on more than one occasion....
To be continued......

Update on things

My aunt, Tia, had a complete mastectomy on Wed. She had at first opted for a lumpectomy but after speaking to many friends decided for the complete removal of the breast. She was in a very up beat mood and I'm sure this in and of itself was what helped her to get through the surgery so well. I saw her again 2 days after surgery and the woman was up mopping her kitchen floor. Wow! Is she ever a tough one!

Nickie has been doing well with no hip pain and the school is making accommodations for her to be able to get back to school and have a place to lie down a couple of times a day to get her off her hips and rest. We hope this will keep her from having to have any more surgery.

I'm filling out applications locally as well as trying to find some legitimate work from home. This means Brandon will have to go back to public school, he's really OK with that idea. It will also mean some added income. I've been out of the "real" work force for so many years I'm sure it won't be a simple task to re-enter. I could really use your good mojo, happy thoughts, prayers etc. I'd also love any job ideas any of you might have for someone out of the work force for 18 years.

problems with the school lunches....

I've been getting reports from Nickie's nurses about problems with the way Nickie's lunches have been prepared. You see for her to eat by mouth her meals have to be pureed. She doesn't chew her food so essentially they need to be pre-chewed. I've met with the cafeteria staff to explain this giving them an example of medium oatmeal consistency not too wet, not too dry. I thought that would be simple enough to understand.

I guess I expected too much of the cafeteria personnel. Her last meal at school last week looked like this.....



Do you see any resemblance to puree or medium consistency oatmeal?

I didn't think so either!